Below is an exert from an email that I wrote to someone who is struggling. I prayed about it and I wanted to share this with you. It is part of my story with God and the hope that we can have when we walk through valleys in life. I hope you it gives you inspiration and hope.
My wife, Amy, and I got married in 2006 after being best friends for a year and dating for 3 more. Shortly after getting married we found out that Amy was pregnant. We were ecstatic to say the least. But when we went to the doctor for our first confirmation checkup the doctors found out that she had an ectopic pregnancy. The embryo had lodge in the fallopian tube and was not viable. It was going to have to be removed. after much prayer, we went into surgery and the doctors ended up having to take out the entire tube on the one side. They told us it left us a 50% chance of getting pregnant again. We were saddened but relieved that we had made it through this ordeal. At the time we thought it was the worst possible thing that we could go through. Isn't that how it always is? When we are in the middle of a bad situation it seems like that is the only thing that we can focus on.
A year passed and we were happy, if not a bit wary, when we found out Amy was pregnant again. We rushed to the doctor and everything was fine. Our son Lagan progressed perfectly, developing exactly as he should. Finally the day had come! We made our way to the hospital for our scheduled C-section and they hooked Amy up to the monitors. When they were giving Amy here IV they pulled out the shunt and blood shot across the room and hit the ground at my feet. I turned white and nearly fainted...so much for us being tough guys, huh? LOL
But when they hooked her to the heart rate monitor they couldn't find Lagan's heartbeat. His heart had stopped beating and we were going to have to go into an emergency C-section to deliver him. The surgery went fine, and they laid my lifeless son in my arms wrapped in a blanket. I was in shock, Amy was sobbing...nothing made sense.
Days went by and many friends and family came by. I remember it all as a blur. I tried to keep up a strong front, but one day I went out the back of the house. I looked up into the sky and told God, "I don't understand how You could let this happen. I've been faithful to you, I've followed you, I've listened to you and You let this happen to us. I'm so angry and I don't know if I can take anything else. If one more thing goes wrong, I'm done! I'm through with you, I'm through with the church. If this is how it is going to be I don't want any part of your plan for my life!"
Looking back, I can tell I made those statements in the heat of the moment, but deep down that is exactly how I felt. I was broken. My faith was destroyed, and I felt directionless. But I don't know how I would have gotten through that time without God and my church family. Without God there is no hope of a future
I pulled out my Bible one morning and opened up to a verse in Jeremiah that I had bookmarked almost 2 years before. It says:
" For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11
I looked it over and read it again and again. I still find comfort in that verse to this day. The fact is, as long as I have breath in my lungs God has plans for my life. He has a future for me. Not a dark dismal spiral downward into despair. But a future full of hope and life. God doesn't want to do evil to us. But we live in a world that has turned its back on its creator and because of that, bad things happen. God only desires to do good to you. Bad things happen, but God can use those situations to draw us to Him. To make us see that we can't do it on our own. That we need to rely on Him.
I'm not sure exactly what you are going through. I feel like you are facing a LOT of adversity in your life right now. Don't try to fight it on your own. Turn into God's embrace and let Him wrap you in His arms of love. Sometimes it feels like He's not there; like you can't feel Him near you. But He is right there working for your good. Give you life up to Him and stop trying to do it on your own. I've been there, and it's frustrating when you can't change things. We just don't have the power to do it. But God does.
God loves you. He wants good things for you. He is the perfect Father that loves us unconditionally and has our best interests at heart. Rely on Him and get connected with a group of people who, even though we are all screwed up like everyone else, we are on a journey to become who God wants us to be.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble."
The church is full of people who are hurting and broken and just as screwed up as everyone else. But we are here for each other. We are here for you. You are a child of the King and that makes you my sister. And I'm here to help you up whenever you fall.
I hope you don't feel like I'm preaching at you. That is definitely not my intention. I just want you to know that I have been through some dark depressed times and the only thing that helped me out of that pit was God, my family (who are Christ-followers) and my church family. We love you very much, and we are praying for you. I look forward to hearing back from you.
Love ya sis!
It is amazing how far God has taken us since then. We now have two vibrant, healthy children. My daughter Jadyn will turn three here in a few weeks and our 5 month old son Zachary is as rambunctious as ever. God is good, no matter the circumstances. No matter what, love God and love others.